6 Tips On How Not To Lose Yourself In Motherhood
It’s no secret the day you become a mother you become a new version of yourself! It’s easy to lose yourself in the process of taking care of another human being. Have you heard of the pink flamingo analogy? A flamingo loses her pink color when she becomes a mom. They say it’s because raising her babies is so all encompassing that it literally drains the color from her. As a mom of 2 myself, I am passionate about helping other moms not lose themselves in motherhood. A happy and fulfilled momma is a better momma!
There are 6 things I’ve been intentional about making time for the past four years to remain ME outside of motherhood (while still prioritizing my children and my role as a stay at home mom). I broke them down on the Be Ambitious podcast but wanted to share them here as well. I realize not everyone has the supportive partner and village and family that I have. I realize some people aren’t able to afford or able to do some of the things I listed, but I am sharing in hopes it will spark ideas and inspire you.
Join a local mom’s or women’s group.
When my daughter was born it was a month before the pandemic.That year every in-person classes and groups were either moved online or canceled. I didn’t have the chance to get involved with any local mom groups and it really affected my mental health! Two years ago, I was sick of being at home alone so much and not having a support group local to me. I asked for advice on social media and many of my followers suggested looking into a Christian mom’s group called MOPs. (now called The Mom Co.) MOPS International encourages and equips moms of young children to realize their potential as mothers, women and leaders, in relationship with Jesus, and in partnership with the local church.
This gave me the community I so desperately needed in the season of life I am in. Unexpectedly, it’s also provided leadership opportunities such as the chance to lead a small group and now the chance to take over as Coordinator. I not only gained new friendships and a new community, but also found a new purpose!
Fitness & Fellowship with some of our MOPs group!
2. Monthly date nights with your significant other.
Your relationship may have taken a backseat as you’ve learned to navigate parenthood. You lack connection with your spouse and you probably can’t even remember the last time you did anything just the two of you. The best way to make dates actually happen is to schedule them in advance. Plan either the same day every month or find an event each month to get tickets to! It is a great way to have fun together doing something you both enjoy and focus on your marriage and your role as a wife again.
Some ideas: comedy show, music concert, indoor golf, bowling, nice dinner out, sporting event, trivia night, wine tasting, hiking, pickle ball, cooking class.
3. Turn a passion into a part-time career.
I launched my podcast, Be Ambitious, in 2021 when my daughter was 2 years old.
Do you have a hobby or is there something you are passionate about? What are your talents, strengths and/or gifts? When you were younger was there something you always wanted to do or even something you used to do as an adult before kids that you enjoyed? It’s time to get back to it or finally start! Oftentimes, we don’t do something because we can’t commit full time energy to it. Pursuing something on the side or “part time” is still using your God given talents and will bring you joy and fulfillment. You could start a cookie decorating business, a podcast, a photography business, make jewelry or start a blog. The possibilities are endless with the internet and the tools, resources and platforms available at our finger tips. And the best part is you can make whatever you decide to start work for YOU and your schedule!
4. Take one kid free vacation or weekend away per year.
This may not be in the budget for everyone, but I am intentional about scheduling a weekend away with my husband as well as a trip with girl friends every year! I don’t know about you but this is the only way I can truly relax and reset. 2-3 days not taking care of anyone but myself and no racing thoughts, mile long to do list and “mom math” in my head! Am I anxious about leaving them? Yes. Are they in good hands back home while I am gone? Also yes! As soon as I get to my destination the worry goes away and the fun and connection begin!
These weekends away can be wherever, whenever and however you want them to be. You can spend a lot or make it budget friendly. I’ve attended conferences for personal or career growth, taken a girls trip with friends, gone on a babymoon with my husband, done a retreat weekend at a fancy resort too. Each trip has been a different type of experience that brought me joy, reconnection, laughter, fun, friendship, love, etc. It’s also given me the opportunity to show my kids that relationships: friendships & marriage, matter just as much as family!
Related: Our Babymoon in Charleston, SC5. Do things you enjoyed before having kids.
When was the last time you played?! And no I am not talking about pretend play with your kids. Moms need to bring play back into their lives! When was the last time you put on a good playlist and danced around? Did you enjoy playing sports growing up? Are you artsy or good at crafts?! Your interests and curiosities as a child or teenage don’t go away we just oftentimes stifle them or stop them all together once we become parents.
You could join a local sports league, start a book club or join a workout class. Or you could try indoor skydiving or take a pottery class like I’ve done with one of my good friends, Caterina. The more time you make for play the more alive you will feel!
6. Schedule self-care regularly.
This is going to look different for everyone but you gotta take care of yourself momma!! You need time alone filling up your cup so you can pour into your family. Self care looks different for everyone but here are some ideas:
Massage
Facial
Manicure and Pedicure
Reading a good book
Going for a walk in nature
Treating yourself to new clothes
Getting your hair done
Now that I’ve shared my 6 tips for how to not lose yourself in motherhood, I recommend picking one or two tips to implement first. Reminder, these tips are what work for me and my family! Find what works for you. Communicate with your spouse and kids why these changes are important to you. You will be amazed at how prioritizing these things in your life will positively impact you, your family and your role as a mom!